Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Stress-Busting and Negative People

"I'd love people if it wasn't for people." - Anonymous quote

The other day, I had one of the most uncomfortable business meetings imaginable. I'd had a tough day (which isn't hard when you're an entrepreneur) and encountered someone whose energy didn't jive with mine.

I consider myself easy going and get along with most people but for some reason, the second I entered the room for a meeting, the energy was bad. I felt frustration, resentment, anger and actual heat rising from my cheeks.

Once the meeting was over, I started thinking about it. For one thing, the person made me feel like an idiot (technically only I can make myself feel this way - according to Dr. Phil), they talked down to me in a condescending way and didn't know my capabilities. I sat there and took it like a wimp.

When I got home, I was mad at myself for not standing up for myself. In truth, I couldn't believe how the meeting unfolded; no harsh words were said but you could've cut tension with a knife.

What do you do when you encounter negative people? This is one of our biggest stressors and accounts for many challenges in life and the workplace. There will always be someone who doesn't jive with us - that's life. We have to learn to deal with it.

Here are some things to help ease the stress:

1. Pay attention to your body signals: Are you feeling stressed, anxious, angry, removed, ignored, not validated?
2. Why do you think this is happening? Is this person degrading you, yelling, being condescening? Why do you think this is happening?
3. Are you feeling less than confident? For me,I was feeling like a 'fish out of water' and even though I came to this person for their expertise, I felt inadequate, insecure and sensitive.
4. Have a plan of how to deal with certain people. For example, if you don't get along with bossy or overbearing people, keep your distance, speak up for yourself or understand that this is how they deal with things in life. Don't take it personal
5. If you're a sensitive person and people's negative or stressful moods 'rub off on you', learn to not take things seriously, realize it's their issues unless you make it yours and have some way to blow off stress and steam if their feelings get to you.
For me, I had to go for a run after this experience - I was so unsettled that there was no way to calm down unless I burned off the extra adrenaline.

It's not easy dealing with people but if you're honest, friendly and you don't take things personally, things will be a whole lot easier. I wish you well.

Lisa